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By Pernille, on February 12th, 2012
 The key to meaningful birth preparation:
Prepare for pain, intensity and the unexpected
There seem to be a common belief in our culture today; that as long as a woman thinks positively about birth & is determined to birth without drugs, then that will give her a good birth. And if a woman worries about cesareans or pain, that will somehow manifest itself for her birth. I remember it well myself, giving birth to my first child about 10 years ago. I was determined to prove that birth was natural and that I would show them all where to put their epidurals. I don’t think I would have even answered honestly if someone had asked me if I had worries or fears about my birth. I did of course 
Feeling respected, listened to and dealt with in a non-judgmental way is a very important part of preparing for birth. I had great fear of not being able to push my baby out, I had great fears of losing control in hospital with all sorts of interventions put on me and I had an agreement with myself about not letting my baby ever being taken to the nursery. As it turned out, all three fears manifested themselves to some degree in the birth. Now I don’t believe that because these were my fears they happened, but I do believe if I had been helped to take my worries more seriously, I would have had a much better birth and felt much less traumatised.
Continue reading The key to meaningful birth preparation
By Pernille, on February 12th, 2012  Interview with Rebecca Markham
Birth Connection : Why did you choose a Doula?
We fell into it by accident really. We were doing antenatal classes and decided to extend the service to include having a Doula after we got on so well in the class. It seemed like a good idea to have that extra support. We knew that she was already familiar with our views on birthing, it was just a natural extension.
BC : Did having a Doula enhance the experience for you in any way?
Yes! We both felt empowered and supported. It really felt like at any point during the labour and birth we had answers if we wanted them, and options. We felt comfortable at the hospital, something I don’t think would have been the case if we hadn’t had a doula. We knew our Doula had been there plenty of times and knew the nurses and carers it made things easier. Like we weren’t going through it alone.
It helped that when we ran out of things to help cope with the pain, our Doula suggested other options – options within our plan – stuff we’d forgotten.
I was very keen for a drug free birth if possible. My baby was posterior and I can say for a fact that had our Doula not been there, helping me to stay mobile and suggesting positions for helping to turn the baby and helping to cope with the pain, I would have had an epidural. For sure. That would not have been a negative outcome for us, however I am so very proud of myself and of my husband for doing the whole thing using only a bit of gas. It was our ideal scenario and our Doula allowed us to achieve that.
Also once we’d had Eloise, our Doula was able to support my husband when he held Eloise for the first time while I was busy. My husband and I had some time to ourselves once it was all over to get refreshed since our Doula looked after Eloise.
BC: Did it matter in any way that you had built a relationship with her during your pregnancy? To have a known person present apart from your husband?
Yes that was important, I’m not sure if the experience would have gone differently if we’d only just met our Doula before the birth, but we had the opportunity to voice opinions thoroughly. There wasn’t anything that we’d forgotten to point out or discuss because we got to know Pernille over a number of sessions together. It was great to have someone in the room that had the experience as well as someone who was going to advocate for me. Having my husband was amazing, but this was his first time too, so with having a doula, I had the best of both worlds.
BC: How did the preparation enhance your confidence?
We’d discussed all the options and made our feelings and wishes known. We had the opportunity to make sure our Doula knew what we wanted, but more importantly she brought up things we hadn’t even thought of, for example how we could make an unexpected ceasar more of a birthing experience rather than a ‘medical’ one. It also meant that when the hospital staff raised certain options or asked questions we already knew they were coming and we had the answers. We felt a lot more in control of our experience than had we not had that knowledge.
BC : Did having a Doula change the way your husband participated in the birth?
Yes. My husband felt more confident, which in turn allowed him to participate more in the pain management and birth. I remember him saying, ‘I knew at any time I could look at Pernille and get reassurance that it would be ok, that what you were doing was normal and that I was doing a good job.’
BC: How did having a Doula change the way you felt at the birth?
I felt a lot calmer, because I knew that we had the tools, that is, the knowledge we gained from our Doula and having a Doula present, to get answers and to come to decisions that were comfortable for us.
BC : Would you recommend having a Doula to other women?
Yes. Undoubtedly, I will have a doula at the birth of all of my children.
By Pernille, on February 3rd, 2012  Sunshine Coast University is screening the new movie Face of Birth.
15th of March at 6.30pm in lecture theatre 7
Saturday the 24th of March at 2.30pm in Lecture Theatre 3.
After the movie there will be a panel of local birth people to answer questions, and some light refreshments.
This is a film about families that choose to give birth at home, the midwives and health professionals who support them and a system that works against them. And it couldn’t really be more relevant than right in these times of lots of bickering after the tragic death of a birthing Mum in Victoria. It would be great to see lots of people there and to have lots of questions for the panel afterwards.
I have mentioned this plenty of times in other blogs and Facebook notices before, about how important it is that we women stay together at the moment regardless of where our preferred birthing place is. It is about the human right to choose where you want to give birth to your baby and how we can support women’s choices in the safest and most respectful way. Like we always talk about in BaBs; women don’t need other women to judge them, we need each others’ support. Let’s keep the focus on the woman, not on her personal birth choices ?
Tickets are available from Michelle on 5456 5031 or Leonie on 5459 4549
$25 pr tickets and $20 for Students
By Pernille, on January 5th, 2012  By Jesper Juul
translated from Danish by Hayes van der Meer
www.familylab.com.au
When two people fall in love and move in together they “give birth” to their first baby – their relationship. When their second child arrives there is a risk that their first ends up as a neglected child. The relationship will, just like any neglected child, become difficult and cause lots of trouble – in the hope of getting some proper attention.
For most couples, the job of parenting requires their full-time attention, so it is understandable that the relationship suffers. In fact, the symptoms often begin already during pregnancy. The woman might become introverted and focussed on what is happening to her. She might even feel guilty about it. Her partner will feel his first bout of jealousy, envy and longing. All this continues and further develops as soon as the child is born. From then on the parents will be busy trying to figure out what it means to be a parent as well as how to live up to their new family member’s requirements. “Should the baby be comforted at the sound of every cry?”, “How much time should they spend nursing the baby?” and so on.
First time parents are particularly uncertain about how much attention to give. Therefore, they are more likely to give a little extra out of the fear for later to discover that the child has been neglected. It is not possible to say exactly how much care is enough, except that a 0-3 year old child simply cannot receive too much parental contact. Keep in mind though, that this should not continue. In the long run, no children benefit from parents who sacrifice themselves and their lives for their sake. Firstly; it will without doubt create a level of debt, which it is impossible for the child to re-pay. Secondly; the child will actually be better off with less attention than with two parents who argue because they do not have enough time and energy for each other.
Continue reading Partner first – then parent
By Pernille, on October 26th, 2011  Most couples in Australia do pre-natal preparation classes before the birth of their child. Most of us feel it is important to get information about this big event, which is foreign to most of us in our culture today. For others it is about taking time to focus on baby, in their otherwise busy lives and maybe to connect with other families in the same situation. All these reasons are important and valid. But what might we learn in a typical pre-natal class? And what do we actually really need to learn to feel prepared, as we don’t know how our births will unfold?
On the Coast most prenatal education happens in our hospitals. These classes are taught from the hospital’s point of view within the particular hospitals policies. It can be useful information for a couple to know what their chosen hospital’s policies are, but does it prepare them for birth?
You will more than likely learn about the stages of labour and how the epidural procedure happens. Or you might learn to go to hospital, when contractions are five minutes apart, which can be a reassuring guideline. But what if their never is five minutes between your contractions? Continue reading Soulful birth preparation
By Pernille, on August 28th, 2011 It is needless to say that birth in our culture, is very different to what it used to be and also to what it was meant to be. We save more mothers and babies than we used to in poorer times, but we are now at a place where the medicalisation of birth, is continuing without additional benefits for mothers and babies and often, in my opinion, at great expense to the birthing process in general and mothers emotional health. As a doula I see women paying for our cultural choices of safety. I meet women who was treated with disrespect, I hear about the manipulation during a woman’s most vulnerable state. I see mountains of practice that has no ground in best medical practice and I talk to a lot of wounded Mums. This is not what birth is about and it is not needed to keep a good standard of safety. It is not healthy for our society and we pay so dearly in PND, disconnection, and lack of ‘mothering’ self-esteem. This is what brings out my inner birth activist.
Continue reading Birth Activism or Mother celebrations?
By Pernille, on June 15th, 2011 Based on a presentation by midwife and lecturer Rachel Reed. Check out her very informative website: MidwifeThinking
 Birth is rarely described as easy, and in today’s culture birth is surrounded by lots of fear and feelings of danger and risk. However, for most women the safest and healthiest way to birth is a normal, vaginal birth with no unnecessary interventions. In today’s Australia though, only a minority of women birth in this safest and healthiest way.
According to Neonatal Perinatal Statistics, only 37% of women in Queensland, go into labour themselves and birth their baby without medical or surgical assistance. This matters because women rate their birth experience as important as their wedding day and we know that a woman’s experience of birth has long lasting effects on her health and on her baby’s health. The feelings we bring home from our birth experience affects our experience of parenting our new baby. Medical intervention increases the risk of post- partum depression and post- traumatic stress syndrome and we know that in general, women who birth without intervention report greater satisfaction with their experience.
There is of course no doubt that necessary caesareans and other interventions save lives, but unnecessary caesareans and interventions increase the risk for mothers and babies. With every intervention there is a risk of more intervention. This is known among health professionals as the “cascade of intervention”. Over the last ten years Australia’s caesarean rate has increased more than 52% without any evidence that this is making birth safer for women or babies, meaning we are not saving more babies or mothers by doing this. The national caesarean rate in Australia is now 31.1% with the Queensland caesarean rate at 33%. The World Health Organisation recommends a caesarean rate of about 10 – 15% and states that there are ‘no additional benefits for a rate any higher than that’. Apart from this, caesareans are very costly for our society and our health budget, compared to normal, vaginal births. So all in all, we are not seeing any benefits to women, babies or our society from this trend. Continue reading Is Birth Getting Harder?
By Pernille, on April 19th, 2011 
A lot of you know that I recently went through a miscarriage at 13 weeks. I wanted to share with you some amazing things I have learned on my journey through the three months of being pregnant and going through the miscarriage.
Being a Doula and then getting pregnant makes you realise that it is vastly different supporting birth from the outside, to being in birth. Despite having birthed twice before, it was a good thing to be reminded of, when I found myself unexpectedly pregnant after Christmas. I know a lot about birth, about hospitals and obstetrics, but I very quickly realised that despite all of that, I had lots of preparation to do. It was a more soulful type of preparation though that I needed, one that connected me with my strength and trust in birth and one that took my fears and worries seriously enough, to really look at them. I wanted a natural homebirth, like many other birth workers do, but I realised that I needed to prepare myself to a place where I could have a good birth no matter how my journey would unfold. And that is not an easy task!
In the end, I never made it that far; my baby only stayed for a short time. I did start my preparation slowly by writing in my journal and doing some drawings, and maybe this also helped me on the journey I had to do. I have learned so much and for that I am so grateful for the short time and the birth journey this baby gave me.
I went to the hospital because I was spotting and an ultrasound confirmed that our baby was no longer with us. The news was heart breaking and we were all devastated. I was sent home to let the baby come by itself, which was what I wanted. I don’t know if this is now standard procedure in a miscarriage or if this was a case of ‘we actually don’t have any beds left and this woman seems to be ok with going home’. I don’t know. But for me this was the best thing. Continue reading Empowering birth
By Pernille, on December 5th, 2010  Miscarriage is often not counted as anything much. The foetus is not really a child in medical terms and no one around you have got much of a relationship to this pregnancy yet. But for the woman, who was pregnant, it is big. Even if she is only 12 weeks, she has spend that time getting used to the fact that she is going to be a mother, she might have had morning sickness and sore boobs and she is loosing a baby, who was already created in her mind. It often feels very unreal and the feelings can be difficult to make sense of rationally. I found, in the middle of my sadness over our miscarriage, was worry about my body being able and worry about if I had done something wrong or had had emotions I shouldn’t have had. But I also felt relief because I deep down knew something hadn’t been right.
The Dads who experiences their women having miscarriages, do have some of those same feelings but also a whole range of different feelings and they are often a bit forgotten and not expected to grief and have big feelings. This is not something we talk about and I would have never thought about this before it happened to us. The following is a short story my husband wrote, based on his experiences, when I had a miscarriage back in Denmark in 1998. It’s not meant to be representative of Dads at all, it’s just one voice among many.
Peanut
The building loomed tall and dark as we approached, and the sun fell into shadows. The autumn wind was suddenly that much colder, but we nevertheless hesitated outside the doors, looking carefully in each other’s eyes, seeking silent assurances.
‘It’ll be OK’, I whispered, hoping my voice sounded confident.
She smiled weakly, and we turned and entered the silently opening doors of the hospital.
The corridors were like that of any other hospital, shiny and blank – a clean slate for the pre-conceptions and fears of the patient or visitor. I had never been a patient here, and the only times I’d visited had been the joyful occasions of the birth of friends’ children. Somehow though, the place seemed to me like a trap, the walls sterile and unknowable, waiting to surprise us.
We found the right corridor and approached the main desk. The obligatory wait found us huddled in a corner of the ward, on blue plastic chairs screwed to the floor. We could not comfort each other in such a position, and the public surroundings silenced us from voicing our fears. Eventually a nurse came and led us to an examination room. The doctor came in a few minutes later, shaking our hands, his manner brisk and a bit distant.
‘Right. What have we got here? 12 weeks pregnant, spot bleeding a few weeks ago, more yesterday and then this morning, this time a bit stronger and darker. Hmm.’
He looked up from his notes and looked at us for a few silent seconds.
‘It’s probably nothing serious, but we should give you a vaginal scan to check it out properly.’
It wasn’t a question.
Rebecca hesitated, finding her voice.
‘I don’t really want to have a scan. Isn’t a physical examination enough?’
His seemed irritated. His brow furrowed a little and his tone became slightly lecturing.
‘No, it’s not. I can see here that your doctor did the same 2 days ago, and found everything to be fine. Obviously, me doing the same now would have similar results. We need to see what’s happening in there. What are your concerns regarding scanning? You know, it’s perfectly safe.’
Another statement. I checked my anger before answering. I focused on the ends of the stethoscope hanging around his neck.
‘Doctor’, I began, seeing the effect that one word had on his mien.
‘My wife and I do have reservations about the ultimate safety of scanning, but that’s not really the issue here. We only want to avoid it if possible. If such a scanning is unavoidable and the only way to obtain an accurate diagnosis, I’m sure Rebecca would reconsider. Do you consider it unavoidable?’
‘Well, yes, as you put it that way. That’s my professional opinion.’
‘Could you give us a few minutes Doctor?’
Continue reading Miscarriage from a Dad’s perspective
By Pernille, on December 2nd, 2010 
‘You can’t plan your birth’. It might seem like a funny statement to make at the start of a post about writing your birth preferences. Birth has it’s own mysterious ways and we can never predict how in might go. That said, I want to make some comments and let you know about the discussion and the great ideas that came out in our Monday BaBs session about ‘writing your birth preferences’.
When you sit down to write what you would like and wont like during labour and birth, think about this exercise as a ‘motivator’ to learn about birth and the different interventions and possibilities that can occur during labour. You can never learn about all possible paths, but you can look into the most common variations and possibilities. You can learn about how others made a lovely birth space for them selves or how they communicated with staff to get treated in a respectful manner.
I think the most important way of thinking about your birth preferences is that it is a piece of paper that is going to inform a midwife, who would love to support you, just the way you would like to, about who you are. She wont know if offering you pain relief is supportive or discouraging for you unless you tell her in your birth preferences. So if you start at that point, you are already well on your way. Some of the questions you might ask yourself and write down for your midwife could be: Continue reading Writing your birth preferences
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